He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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