Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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