i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
