Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
