Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
