Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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