I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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