Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
