I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
