My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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