I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
