like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
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Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
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Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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