remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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