Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
