it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He shit in the fireplace
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