I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
sarcasm needs its own font
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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