I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
