im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I need to align my fucking chakras
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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