SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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