where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
