Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
