That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
