I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
