..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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