Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
