I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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