Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
