I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
