I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
