you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
