so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
