I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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