$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
