She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
