at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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