I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize