I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
