Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
True strength comes from lack of pants
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
