I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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