All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think a kid would responsible me up
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
