i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
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I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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