Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
