three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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