he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
she told me i tasted like america
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
