she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
