hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
