the condom got lost in my hair
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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