your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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