My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
