Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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