im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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