for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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