After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
