i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
