I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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