When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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