He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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