Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize