Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
How does one acquire holy water?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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