in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
