you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
