i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
