Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
