I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
