i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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