I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
