i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
