Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
