I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
