Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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