Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Randomize
