Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
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