It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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