Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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