Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
